It's just how its suppose to be

After reading a friend's blog, it somehow got me thinking-well not of the particular subject- but about us. Us as human beings. It's really just something amazing to think that if you fall hard- not literally- a person could still get back up on one's feet and strives for a better life.

We as human laugh when we're happy or satisfied, we cry when we're sad or maybe sometimes angry and get our ears burned when we're extremely embarrassed. These things happen with our own actions and our own will. We caused them, now I'm not trying to rub it in that we should always hold ourselves liable for the pains or broken hearted events that had happened but just think about it, if none of this happened then what will?

It had hit me pretty hard that this life is somehow like a novelist's role in creating a hit novel. You know how novelist tend to change their novel plot line as they have these add hock ideas coming out of the blue, rummaging their brains to further manipulate their stories. At first they have no main role of any particular event in the plot itself but as the novelist goes further, these add hock ideas somehow completes the puzzles and forms the absolute mind blowing peak.

How do I say this is like life?

Well, its pretty simple. We always do add hock things in life, like for instance, you suddenly fart in front of the whole class and they all laugh hard at you. You don't really mean to do so but you did anyways, then the next few weeks you end up participating in the world's longest fart competition and won first place! How good is that?!

Okay, I admit maybe farting isn't the best option for a more realistic example.

Umm, lets take Gundam Seed Destiny for a more realistic example (what?! I still think it's realistic plus it has the word destiny in it ). The main character, Kira Yamato was some random -hot- geek guy that befriended a -weird- blue haired guy named Athrun Zala. You ADD HOCKly -is that even a word?- find a friend from nowhere and in addition one that you never knew existed, then become best friends for life.

 Well in this story, Athrun who is actually Kira's best friend ends up being Kira's best enemy and the tomboyish girl who he randomly (p/s totally add hock) meets, Cagalli ends up being his twin sister. Now if you happen to be a Gundam Seed fan, I'm not saying all these characters are add hock ideas from the mangaka but they firstly appear that way, you get what I mean? Moving on to life... the people we meet suddenly in life are the most common add hock actions we make every single day and mostly in life the people who we never expect plays the most supporting role in our lives and mean a lot more to us then we might think at first. So, we'll end up changing our novel life every singe time we breathe.

Don't think to become perfect just try your best and try hard. Don't sweat it in other words because when you finally publish your book, it's bond to be a hit.

Ask me

I've always asked myself "am I a hypocrite?"

I've always told myself to lie about me. When I'm sad I say I'm not, when I'm angry I say I;m not and tell them to forget about it. There are a few people who could distinguish this though not many, but that never stopped me to strive for perfection. Every time I know I've shown my true self I try harder to hide it. Its hard to have a friend this way right? so I imitate. That worked.

It's not that I don't want them to know, it's just... I don't want them to have pity on me, I don't want them to sympathise me. I've loved the feeling of loneliness until I've felt that this part of life is for eternity. That's why I've come to love my friends and family more then I love myself. Since I lie about myself, I don't show it so they don't know. Now, I don't know how to show it and I'll remain in this life of mystery alone as always. I wonder if that's why people usually believes in my lies than my truth?

please let it be a nightmare

It's me. Again.

I don't really know how to start this. I have no clue what so ever happened today. It was like I was in a bad dream, a dreadful nightmare and somehow this nightmare keeps on going on and on as if trying to tell me that it had no end to it, that it shouldn't end. It doesn't make any sense.

I think I should be put in a mental hospital or something. Sigh.

I woke up this morning after being slaved to do such harsh household work-I slept after dawn. Yes, like Cinderella but the catch was that I don't have a prince and I don't really believe that I will just so you know. Then suddenly, when I finally get to see my beloved brothers, mother and father curved a smile on their faces I thought, I actually thought that I had done something right in my pitiful life. I tried to be there for everyone as much as I can, I really did. Gosh I sound like a hypocrite. My mother and father mean a lot to me yet I've seem to be no use to them. They tell me that every day anyways. I don't want to brag about this one life of mine, though I know no one would care to listen. I know. I'm still adapting to this lonely for eternity thing.

But then after what I thought was happiness something just came out of the blue. Something I never expected. I don't know what was it about. But a dear friend of mine gave me this message telling me that she had waited until 1 o'clock. I don't really know what she was talking about, but I have a really bad feeling about this. I wonder if that was the reason for Miss A's apologies. She kept on saying she was sorry but never told me why. I won't kill myself. I have a family to keep an eye on, but even if someone does come and kill me for being accused of an unacceptable action then...

I guess knowing me... I'll always think that it was all MY FAULT, so I guess I'll just end up taking that blame and be punished for what I didn't do. Don't worry, justice never befriended me so I just found a way to get used to things. Only God knows what I feel.

And it remains a mystery to the people around me of the truth that lies in these painful memories.

And if my friend happens to read this... I'm sorry for what ever happened but if it makes you feel better I've always told you that you could always hate me any time I'd be fine with that because everyone else does and until now I'm still fine with that.

And don't worry I don't share my secret to anyone. That was why I don't really have a friend that stays by my side every time I thought I had found one.

Sorry for this sad post but I got no where else to go.

The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.

4 tries and finally, I've made it.

it was cruel of life to through this endless sufferings yet then after I can let myself feel the pleasures of relaxation. It was only a few minutes ago that I had sat for my exams after a never ending of life's trials. In order to sit for this particular exam, I had to first register myself so that I would be given a proper procedure but alas through every 3 tries along this December I have failed to do so.

But now no more. I am finally free of this torturous phase. For now at least ;)

Silent Cries

"I didn't do it, it's not me"
"Stop lying already and admit your fault"
"But mother-"
"No I don't want to hear anything from you anymore, go to your room at once!"

These are the cries frequently heard from behind closed doors of every household existing. Centuries have passed but they have yet to change. Parents normally never believe their own children and rather believe others though without prof of their honesty. Just because their older. In the end, their child's cries are left unheard.

This miraculous encounter still remains a mystery. Just now as I was on my way back home  from a restaurant I had witnessed a young teenager being scolded in public. She was well seen as a beautiful 17 year old young lady yet from the words spat at her face she clearly was treated more like a 7 year old. She was suppose to sit for an exam from what I heard, but for some unknown reasons she didn't. Therefore both her mother and father yelled at her and inflicted pain upon her being absolutely oblivious of their surroundings. She on the other hand had only stayed quiet, embarrassed and speechless. I stayed there waiting for her to answer to her parent's questions but alas none came.

After everything had subsided, I decided to approach her and ask of her odd behaviours. I asked her of the reasons why she did not explain herself and stand  on her roots in that very situation.

"They'll never believe me, they never did I don't see why they should now," was all she said.

"You don't know until you try and tell them," I replied.

"I did," she said briefly. She looked around wiping away what seemed to be tears threatening to fall then looked back at me.

"I've tried that for 17 years."

I was appalled. There were no words exchanged from there as she quickly made her way to her car and just left without even a silent goodbye. It just so confused me to no end that this phenomena had happened and is still happening yet none were able to bring a stop to it.The question still remains, is it really the child's fault or was it actually the parent's?

Until now even I have not yet found that one answer.

time in need...

salam,

have you ever heard of the saying 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'? i have. a lot of times before, but somehow now i feel maybe i would like to change the idiom... maybe to something like this...

" a mom in need is a mom indeed, so goes for dad...'

i know it sounds lame but i can't help but wishing for it to be so. nowadays we're always faced with the most difficult problems but none is willing to end a helping hand... even parents... parents know best, yeah like that's ever true now... whenever i have a problem somehow i feel like they're not even there for me... they don't even spare a glance to even take notice of the weird changes of my behavior. i would pretty much appreciate it if they did but the reality was much crueler then it sounds. it even reach the part where you would find yourself choosing between life and death. suicide.

I'm not thinking of killing myself but this is what i feel like whenever my parents are not there to support me through the rough times, and i wished they did.

i really wish you were there whenever i reach out for you...

His story

salams,

I thought I have missed something in life. The on that I’ve been searching for but couldn’t seem to grab hold of for 16 years. At first, I thought that maybe I was unlucky or maybe I didn’t search hard enough, but later today I found or more yet remembered that that one special thing can only be found in one certain special place and I forgot that… well, only for 16 years.

It’s true when a person said that this world is made up of different people. They were telling no lie. Of course everyone knows what is the obvious but I’m not pointing at the obvious. This may seem a little childish but more the less it’s true. In this world there exist homo sapiens that have absolutely the same characteristics as the other though a few might be a little disabled but never the less they are the same. These beings also carry different hearts, though they generally are a lump of cells and tissues but they are the personalities of these beings.

In theory maybe that is what we’ve all learnt and from there comes a saying that an action or a choice made determines the future that one would encounter, the present is the result of one’s past but what about the past? Maybe the past is your mistake? The past is only history?

One must forget the past and move on with his life. Yes, indeed that is true but only one statement in this that the others forgot to transmit is to forget the painful past and learn from it while remember the glory and aim for it. In my previous search that is what I note. Many are aware of this but none are to actually take in consideration of this whether they are in their conscious or not.

This maybe impossible to understand but yeah, it is life…