The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.

4 tries and finally, I've made it.

it was cruel of life to through this endless sufferings yet then after I can let myself feel the pleasures of relaxation. It was only a few minutes ago that I had sat for my exams after a never ending of life's trials. In order to sit for this particular exam, I had to first register myself so that I would be given a proper procedure but alas through every 3 tries along this December I have failed to do so.

But now no more. I am finally free of this torturous phase. For now at least ;)

Silent Cries

"I didn't do it, it's not me"
"Stop lying already and admit your fault"
"But mother-"
"No I don't want to hear anything from you anymore, go to your room at once!"

These are the cries frequently heard from behind closed doors of every household existing. Centuries have passed but they have yet to change. Parents normally never believe their own children and rather believe others though without prof of their honesty. Just because their older. In the end, their child's cries are left unheard.

This miraculous encounter still remains a mystery. Just now as I was on my way back home  from a restaurant I had witnessed a young teenager being scolded in public. She was well seen as a beautiful 17 year old young lady yet from the words spat at her face she clearly was treated more like a 7 year old. She was suppose to sit for an exam from what I heard, but for some unknown reasons she didn't. Therefore both her mother and father yelled at her and inflicted pain upon her being absolutely oblivious of their surroundings. She on the other hand had only stayed quiet, embarrassed and speechless. I stayed there waiting for her to answer to her parent's questions but alas none came.

After everything had subsided, I decided to approach her and ask of her odd behaviours. I asked her of the reasons why she did not explain herself and stand  on her roots in that very situation.

"They'll never believe me, they never did I don't see why they should now," was all she said.

"You don't know until you try and tell them," I replied.

"I did," she said briefly. She looked around wiping away what seemed to be tears threatening to fall then looked back at me.

"I've tried that for 17 years."

I was appalled. There were no words exchanged from there as she quickly made her way to her car and just left without even a silent goodbye. It just so confused me to no end that this phenomena had happened and is still happening yet none were able to bring a stop to it.The question still remains, is it really the child's fault or was it actually the parent's?

Until now even I have not yet found that one answer.

time in need...

salam,

have you ever heard of the saying 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'? i have. a lot of times before, but somehow now i feel maybe i would like to change the idiom... maybe to something like this...

" a mom in need is a mom indeed, so goes for dad...'

i know it sounds lame but i can't help but wishing for it to be so. nowadays we're always faced with the most difficult problems but none is willing to end a helping hand... even parents... parents know best, yeah like that's ever true now... whenever i have a problem somehow i feel like they're not even there for me... they don't even spare a glance to even take notice of the weird changes of my behavior. i would pretty much appreciate it if they did but the reality was much crueler then it sounds. it even reach the part where you would find yourself choosing between life and death. suicide.

I'm not thinking of killing myself but this is what i feel like whenever my parents are not there to support me through the rough times, and i wished they did.

i really wish you were there whenever i reach out for you...

His story

salams,

I thought I have missed something in life. The on that I’ve been searching for but couldn’t seem to grab hold of for 16 years. At first, I thought that maybe I was unlucky or maybe I didn’t search hard enough, but later today I found or more yet remembered that that one special thing can only be found in one certain special place and I forgot that… well, only for 16 years.

It’s true when a person said that this world is made up of different people. They were telling no lie. Of course everyone knows what is the obvious but I’m not pointing at the obvious. This may seem a little childish but more the less it’s true. In this world there exist homo sapiens that have absolutely the same characteristics as the other though a few might be a little disabled but never the less they are the same. These beings also carry different hearts, though they generally are a lump of cells and tissues but they are the personalities of these beings.

In theory maybe that is what we’ve all learnt and from there comes a saying that an action or a choice made determines the future that one would encounter, the present is the result of one’s past but what about the past? Maybe the past is your mistake? The past is only history?

One must forget the past and move on with his life. Yes, indeed that is true but only one statement in this that the others forgot to transmit is to forget the painful past and learn from it while remember the glory and aim for it. In my previous search that is what I note. Many are aware of this but none are to actually take in consideration of this whether they are in their conscious or not.

This maybe impossible to understand but yeah, it is life…

something...

salam...

hope is a dram of an awaken man... i've stumbled upon this... how do you ay it... God's sayings... telling me that if you are willing to do so then you should put all your trust ti Him...
after you have worked hard that is... but even so i fell that it is hopeless... but sometimes it's not... the person and i have been going through the same thingsover and over again wether destiny was just playing with my heart or it's just plain luck an a coincedence...
though i would defenately believe in destiny... but it is giving me hope... it's not that i don't like it bt it feels like i'm only hiping on false hope...

a dream that i myself am not sure if i could or even fit to do such a thing in life... or even TO life. it's frusterating... and not understanable... yeah i know... but if i were to tell you (as readers) would not be able to understand anyways...

so... for those who might get the hint... then i hope you would support me~

days of sadness...

salams...

it's not that i'm always sad but today seems to be a sad day not only for me but for my friends too. we had our exam today, it was additional math and i believe that i'm going to flunk anyways bacause i did really bad... but my friends even cried as they weren't able to answer the uestions...
i feel somawhat sad for them...
i can't really study today too sad to even thnk about it.. but life must go on...
sigh. i think it woulf=d be good if i study rught now... tought i doubt it would stick in my mind as the over flowing feeling of diapleasure dominating my sanity, but i'm willing to try harder.. i hope i will....
we'll be having our biology exam tomorrow... wish us luck!

my day today...

salam,

hehehe, beforwe start i wasn't the one asking the question but whom ever is reading (though I doubt anyone would be) can answer the question.

today, i mostly killed time by being deep in my thoughts. i felt really sad today, i don't know how to explain but i couln'd focus on anything my mind was absorbed in my thoughts 100%. i know it doesn't make sence i don't make sense most of the time. i think i kind of like it that way anyways. i had a lot to do then in the end the doctor said bacause of stress i fell sick and had to skip the rest of school. i'm still recovering but still it sadens me to think of how things aren't working out.

plus i also miss this one person. i have forgoten about that person for just a bit but i just can't get myself to NOT remeber the person. when i was very ill the person came in my mind a lot i don't have any explaination to this as i myself felt confused with the suddden memory. i'm really confused and fragile right now and i hope i can satle things just fine.

i feel better now. thank you for reading. :)