Begger in the Streets on Unknown

Bismillah...
Peace be upon you...

Now normally I would just start this long not-so-awaited entry with the fact that it's been such a long period of time since I last posted ANYTHING at all ANYWHERE in the Internet. Had a few complications here and there, and I kindda had to miss a few interviews for my brother's sake. Doesn't matter anymore anyways... for family it's always worth it, but what matters right now or I should say what's kindda making me angry at the moment is that this so called fate is trying to play games again.

I thought that the only reason why I'm feeling like I've been dumped in hell was because I had committed a sin. I've made up my mind to leave every possible hurtful painful stressful assumptions in the past and never look back. I thought I did the right thing. I thought that if I didn't look back that there's no way I'd see it again... but no matter where I look it's always there. It's like I'm haunted to the depth of my core and I can't do anything about it. I left the bench.. this time I really did leave. I left without a trace but... it's like all I did after I left was walking in circles. Yes, I'm tired and I need a rest but the only bench I see is the last one I sat on.

Why would I want to sit on a bench that shattered me to pieces?

After school, reality really hit me hard. The long life friends that I've made ended up to be something fake trying to lure me into the darkest shadows they would call 'The Light'. The people outside my sanctuary never really were humans in the first place and always seems to believe that kindness never will exist in this cruel world. My best companions all have grudges on the only place I know to call home.

Now almost everyone looks like entertainers. I lost my umbrella on a rainy day. I lost my balloons along with my smile. I lost the old man's shoulders that never fails to put me to sleep. I'm walking aimlessly in a theme park on a very busy Sunday. No matter how much I shout... the music booms louder.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified so I reached out my hands. Anything, anything would do as long as I'm saved from this never ending Nile river but alas, I continue to drift further and further dwindling into the darkest corners of the streets.

Homeless, cold, scared and helpless.

So please. I'm hurt and alone. I've always had been. Please, won't you just stay behind that glass so I'll know that this will never be? Won't you just make the clock stay on midnight so I'll never return knowing all this lie will go away? Won't you just look the doors so I won't have a chance to save you before the last petal? Won't you just give up seeing that my castle is full of thorns? Won't you just let me turn into bubbles after you marry someone else?

Have your happy ending as you please but please if I'm just the flower girl than don't come smiling at me. I don't want to see it.

A flower has 5 petals..

Bismillahi Rahmaanir Rahiim...

A flower has five petals..
Count with me...
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...

Remember that day when we were counting flower petals with our mom? We were young then, we didn't know much about life. Life then was just a  dream to us, filled with hopes and dreams... and the people who love us...

Love..

It's an excruciatingly painful thing, yet mysteriously relieving.

No one has had the right definition towards the word love or whether it exists. I guess I'm just another one of those individuals. But I can tell you one thing about love...

The one being loved is like a flower. Both fragile and beautiful. My grandmother once told me that if you like a single flower than don't pick it. If you do it'll wilt and die. Than it won't be as beautiful anymore and you'd have to throw it away.

Instead she told me to replant it. Than only will it grow bigger and more beautiful than it ever was.

This she told me was love.

Anyone can love the surface of a flower. What's not to love? It's beautiful and fragrant. Has very lovely colours and very attractive. But only one true to his duties and feelings will be able to love the flower internally. Only he would care for it like it was his own life. Until it grows and glows magnificently under the moon.

True love don't burn you down, it turns you into a better person and closer to your Creator.

That was what she said. If it doesn't, than it is not called love. Right?

Well, I'll leave you to judge.

Gifts of today

Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
But today is a gift,
That is why they call it the 'present'.

But how sure are you that history will never be?
How sure are you that tomorrow will be?
How sure are you that today instead of being given a tremendous gift, you forgot to take it?

Forget...

No matter how simple the word sounds. No matter how often people experience it. No matter how frequent we say we forget. It must occur to us that forgetting is syaitan's biggest weapon.

To make us forget.

When we were gifted to this wolrd, we knew who we were. We knew who to worship. We promised Him that we will make Him, Allah our Illah until He takes us back to meet our creator.

Astaughfirullah..

All of that changed because we forgot.

We forgot our main purpose of existence, we forgot who our true love is.

I have forgotten...

That is why Allah has sent me friends.

They tell me where I'm wrong and why I'm wrong. They tell me how I should be in order to be a better Muslim. They hold me up when I'm about to fall deep. They are the gifts of today that we should always appreciate even if its only just a 1 second friendship.

Because a Muslims stay together,  fight together, and insyaAllah will hand in hand enter the Jannah Firdaus. Subahanallah.

The Quran and the Sunnah. Also our friends... are the gifts of today.. :)

A touch of life...

Bismillahi rahmani rahiim...

Today was a fine day. Everything went well.

Alhamdulillah...

It wasn't as good as before but it was fine.

Alhamdulillah...

I could move.

Alhamdulillah...

I can breathe.

Alhamdulillah...

I could see His magnificent creations. Their beauty is of anything the mind could ever imagine. The brilliance is of nothing the humam mind could accomplish.

Alhamdulillah...

Isn't life wonderful?

If...

We live for Allah. We die for Allah. We eat for Allah. We study for Allah. We LOVE for Allah untill jannah.

Life is very meaningful.

Lillahi ta'ala,  everything is wonderful.
So how many times have you said alhamdulillah today for everything?

None yet?

It's never too late to worship our beloved Ilah.

So start now.

Wasalam...

Assalamualaikum...

Bismillahi rahmani rahiim..

In the name of Allah most gracious, most compassionate..

Laying here in the midst of His creation, I am dwindled. I was blind... and I guess I still am. Astaghfirullah..

How did it turn this way?
Where did I go wrong?

I was sad..
I was depressed..
I was angry..
So I turned away... far away..

From You...
And Your blessing...

I gave into him..
Yet You gave me friends as blessings to keep me with You..
I started my days with him on my mind...
Yet You're beautiful ayat were still played for my wretched ears to listen..
So I'd remember You...
Even if it's just for a moment..
I ignored your calls..
Just so that I could have it my way...
Yet You still gave me the pleasures of life...
But what is life without You, oh almighty...

I've sinned...
Sinned in the worst way...
Buy your forgiveness is undeniable...

How could I've been so blind...

Blind by the 'dunia'

I'm ashamed...
Ashamed to call myself a Muslim...
Ashamed to call myself the servant of the One..
The most Gracious...
I'm ashamed that I have astray..
Far from where I should be..
But I have no one else to blame but me...

Our sahabah had onced been asked,

"What is the greatest nikmah to be received for a muslim? "

One of them said "wealth,"

Then they are asked, "what nikmah is bigger than that a Muslim had ever received?"

One of them said, "the nikmah of health and prosperity, "

"Bigger than that? " he asked again.

One of them said,"the nikmah of iman and Islam, "

"Bigger than that?" He asked again.

They all fell silent.  They did not understand neither could they find the answer to thay question.  The asker smiled then said,

"The biggest nikmah that a Muslim has ever received is having Allah as God"

Having Allah as God is more than anything we could ever ask for. Why?

He loves us. He cares for us. He gives us second chances.  He forgives us. He remembers us.
Most of all, He gives us everything we asked for.

Everything.

So tell me now...

Who should we live for?

Puding...

Puding..

Caramel Puding..

I remember that day when my eyes met you for the first time.

It was like a jolt of electricity had struck my lifeless core.

It had been so long since I've felt excitement rushing in me.

It had been so ling since I've felt the agony of pain tormenting me.

There are many candies out there.

Very delicious ones.

But when I'm here,

all I see is you.

Puding...

It's hard to think that we would ever be..

because I'm out here, and you're in there,

tucked safely and peacefully behind that glass.

It's hard not being able to touch you.

Not with these filthy hands.

It's hard not being able to claim you as mine.

Not with these torn, worn up clothes.

A beggar from the streets like me, an outcast...

would never have a chance,

to taste the sweetness of your caramel

like everyone else would of their's.

I'm scared that one day, someone else might see you.

I'm scared that one day, someone else might take you away.

Far away from me...

Forever...

I don' want forever.

Forever seems like a long time.

It'll shatter me.

It'll shatter me to pieces..

Until nothing of me remains.

Isn't there anything I could do?

Anything I could do to tell them that I want you.

To tell them that I need you.

To tell you that I'm happy whenever you're around.

To let you know that even just from behind the glass,

I'm grateful to get to see you, smile at you and sense you're alluring aroma.

Because I know as you do too

that this might be our last.

My last.

Their moving you.

You're moving away,

to a better place.

Where I don't get to see you anymore.

Where I don't get to hear of you anymore.

Where I don't get to smile from you're sweetness anymore.

I'll miss that.

A lot.

Please don't hate me.

I just wish you'd know.

That I really do like you...

Thinker...

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Compassionate...

What makes a thinker?

Well, at school basically I learnt that a thinker is a person who could generate exotic ideas as a  result of thinking deeply and in a passionate way.

Yeah, I know... I get called 'the walking dictionary' all the time. It's totally natural. But  the point is a thinker in this context says that you're able to produce ideas that are out of the box and - what people my kind would say- going against the tide. In my opinion, since roughly estimating the normal human brain could handle 10 quadrillion instructions per second then thinkers can handle 10.1 quadrillion instructions per second...

Not that much of a diff? Well of course it won't have that much difference. We're just the same you and I. Homo sapiens. How different can I be from you? But lets save that question for later. ;)

The human brain when awake has enough energy to light a single light bulb, therefore millions, billions, trillions of ideas are generated every second which -by now you should know- makes an individual a thinker.
But the hint starts here...

Can you see the resemblance between them?

How about a similar pattern?

No.

There is absolutely no resemblance between the famous thinkers such as Leonardo daVinci, Mozart, Einstein, imam Syafi'e, sultan al Fateh and even al khwarizmi.

Okay... maybe I got that from Monsters University. You must think me as a childish person and immature and bla.. bla.. bla.. yada.. yada.. ect.. but good things should be shared, yeah?

What I was saying is that ideas may appear in different forms and ways.. so why up until now would our kind be too judgmental about ideas.

Take Adidas and Puma. (I just got this last night... heeeee :3) For starters both the creators of the brand were brothers. One is named  Adi and the other younger brother was named something-das (just for the favor that I forgot their full names) when put together becomes Adidas.  On one special day  they got into a fight, then the younger left the 'Adidas FC' and made his own called 'Puma'. Both had lots of colorful Sharpie to fly with. The point is that they have different ideas and both of them sell. Like Ustaz Zul said they sold 'Ideas'. (That actually caught my ear at the time, it's past my bed time. Boo) Rawhazza! Now we can all be Mark Zuckerberg; all we have to do is sell our brains! :D

Well, you can actually get a lot of money by selling parts of your organs in the black markets BUT don't take that into account. I really DON'T want to be responsible for whatever is in the trash.

So to say actually, people differ generally from standards and capability thus differing the productivity of their ideas. (I do not know where I'm going with this idea and am totally writing what ever comes to mind) So don't judge. In every generation there will be people who may appear to be a bit different then the majority of citizens. They don't go with the flow and are often prejudiced just because they have a different way of thinking. Da Vinci seldom stays with people anyways and people always thought that he was a tad different from other 'normal's in the world. BUT people of every millennium love his ideas, his paintings and his inventions. They're actually trying with their best efforts to rebuilt his inventions even.

So to say when a friend comes by with an odd idea or thinks a tad differently, then don't just sweep it away. You'll never know when Spongebob's pretty patties might actually be a break to your dream car or whatever dream you have. Sorry Mr Crabs, no harm done.

Lastly, all ideas come and generate from the Creator, Allah the Almighty.

"...Thus Allah makes clear to you the verses [of revelation] that you might give thought."
[2:219]

wallahu alambisswaab.