my day today...

salam,

hehehe, beforwe start i wasn't the one asking the question but whom ever is reading (though I doubt anyone would be) can answer the question.

today, i mostly killed time by being deep in my thoughts. i felt really sad today, i don't know how to explain but i couln'd focus on anything my mind was absorbed in my thoughts 100%. i know it doesn't make sence i don't make sense most of the time. i think i kind of like it that way anyways. i had a lot to do then in the end the doctor said bacause of stress i fell sick and had to skip the rest of school. i'm still recovering but still it sadens me to think of how things aren't working out.

plus i also miss this one person. i have forgoten about that person for just a bit but i just can't get myself to NOT remeber the person. when i was very ill the person came in my mind a lot i don't have any explaination to this as i myself felt confused with the suddden memory. i'm really confused and fragile right now and i hope i can satle things just fine.

i feel better now. thank you for reading. :)

scared

salams,
haha. hmm. i shouldn't laugh but i just couldn't help myself. well if you don't understand the given passage let me help you...

it means: somebody help me.. i don't want to be alone i'm scared

twitted at night, so it's wierd how this is actually happening. hmm. haha. all this while i've been scared to go to sleep but in the end this person i more terrified then me... it just makes me feel better. my senior being scared of being alone. thare's always a reason.
i tink i'm not scared to go to sleep noe~
goood nightttttt~:)

something about something :)

salams,

hey nice to write again. at keast i think it's nice, no don't get me wrong i'm perfectly not confused.

haha... today like in most blogs i would tell you about why i've stopped writting for quite a while listen... i mean read and read carefully...

the reason's why i didn't update frequebtly before:-

1. my life is boring.




2. i'm boring.




3. i'm bored.




4. both my life and me are boring.




5. what else do you want?! 4 is enough!




6. huh... 6th is bacause i'm lazy. (good enough?!

well there yo have it... now you get me that's why i don't tell people why i don't update...

then today something happened that made me feel at home... i lked it... hmm... i just hope it'll last.

at least just a little bit longer...

can't sleep~

salams,

i've been having a hard time sleeping. when a friend of mine asked why so all i could answer was i'm scared. it has been like this for days and i can't colect myself to put up with this fear. the fear of having to see a person's face when ever my eyes shut.
he's not scary nor is he ugly or anything he even has a lot of fans, but... the thought of him beeing in the same dream and asking me wierd questions scared the life out of me... in my dream i couldn't answer his dreadful q's and alway find myself trapped somewhere... in a house... it alwways has to be a scarry one too!
sigh. i don't know about it but, i'm rally loosing my focus.
someone please halp me. i'm begging on my knees.

cracks of my broken heart.

salam,
i know i don't do this but i need to tell someone some tihing,
here goes...

maybe we need just a little more time
time that can heal what's been on your mind
you can find what we lost before it all slips away
we need time to mend for the mistakes i've made
god only knows what a heart can surive
so many tears from all the pain in our lives
and whare else could we go after all we've been through?
i still belive that my is here with you.

so just hold on
and it'll won't take long
i hope you can love me
when tha pain is gone
i don't want us to fall through the cracks of a broken heart
don't want us to fall through the craks of your broken heart

i know it's taking a while but every lesson i've learnt
and if your heart speaks tonight, i'll hear every word
if you want to be free i'll never stand in your way
but with all that i am, i'm asking you to stay

hold on
and it'll won't take long
i hope that you can love me
when the pain it gone
i don't want us to fall through the cracks of a brokan heart
don't want us to fall through tha cracks of your broken heart

there's a light that can burn
it exists in the heart
you can feel it when you know love is true
if you could try to be strong
and keep the light burning long
it took a life time but i found it in you

hold on
it'll won't take long
i hope that you can love me
when the pain is gone
i don't want us to fall through the cracks of my broken heart
don't want us to fall through the craks of your broken heart

of a broken heart...

what i want to do.

salams,
lately i've been writting an awful lot of stories, decribing the inner understanding of my unnoticed problem. it became aware to me that i'm in a bad and worsening situation but never pulled myself to seek help. until i turned 16 which to whom ever has known is a time period of a devastiating experience, the problem built up within myself and i'm no longer able to control it.
never the less, my perents are not aware of this situasion. i refuse to let them know of the dreatfull feelings i am put through and the hardship of keeping it a secret.
yes, i admmit a child who seeks help is the best situation at hand but i some how can't put myself to tell the tale. at least not to my parents. i have friends but every time i opened myself to tell they just tend to disappear like thin air. they sometimes come back but none were willing to stay.
hmm... i watched a documentary of poeple who choose to put their life to an and in their own hands. hmm.. very interesting. i was just wondering of the concequences of the condition. not that i think of myself in it.
threatening. thrilling. sigh.
nothing is good right now. my parents are away right now. not at home. feeling the urge to write but not in my books but somewhere else. i'm not worried because i know no one will read. thats why i kept it a secret. where did i learned all this...? heh... from the movie i had watched...

aku tak bodoh.

very intemidated. sigh. i have problems that i neet to solve but didn't bother to care.

sigh. signing off now.

happy yet sad... it's fate

salams...

yeah don't espect me to tell about raya... i'm done.

i didn't think this year's raye could be awfully boring... it breaks my heart... haha..well i'm just gonna bable a little about fate...

just bare with me key?:)

on a very bad day i couldn't fall asleep. i was tired yes but couldn't shut my eyes. sigh. i had never experieced a very bad day that lead me to have amnesia. hmm...

i couldn't sleep... what do it do now...? hah! i know! i'll surf the internet duh.

so i did so... hehe,... i opened my fav site AFF huhu... if you know what that is then you my friend are my pal... haha just joking...

i read a story about you... there were pictures of you with another person... bisexual?! no hehe wrong story.. they gotte stop writting these kinds of stories... sigh... i read as the aurther described you ... sigh... hey he/she even inserted a short vid!

opening youtube i watched half the video bacause that's where you come in... hehe... not a pervert...

watching and reading i spent the whole night just reading and watching you and only you... i remembered tha days that i spet shaking my head trying to forget about you, constantly writting wierd quots on every piece of paper in hand... alice syndrom... what a laugh...

"i spend my days only thinking about you."

"i caught myself smiling alone when i realized that i was thinking of you..,"

i would write... these odd THINGS and crumpling the papers keeping it safe in my pocket... sigh... but knowing your condision you could never know me... we're just too far away... you've never met me and it would take a miracal for that to happen... you have others by your side but i always wished it was me who stayed...

in the end i gave up just a little telling myself that things just sometimes are impossible... sigh... i love to sigh... sigh. but tonight i found my world revolving around you... it's wierd.

then i slept really late... after dawn. hmm... i dreamt of... YOU!

what?! i never dreamt of you... never. but how it this possible?! things do tend to get crazy.

the next day i couldn't get anything done. i couldn't focus. hi just thought of you. uh. tire + bad day (again).

sigh. then i opened your twitter acount only to find that you had changed your profile image to something familiar... oh! it's tha same image i used for my AFF profile! dejavu..."0.0"

fate can be cruel sometimes. fate can be very twisted too. hehe... and sometimes even play a faul game... but despite the hurtful and painful experience, i always find myself laughing at it... no offence...

but that's what i went through... fate IS a miracal... and it gets you when you lest espect it... hehe... don't you think?