Ask me

I've always asked myself "am I a hypocrite?"

I've always told myself to lie about me. When I'm sad I say I'm not, when I'm angry I say I;m not and tell them to forget about it. There are a few people who could distinguish this though not many, but that never stopped me to strive for perfection. Every time I know I've shown my true self I try harder to hide it. Its hard to have a friend this way right? so I imitate. That worked.

It's not that I don't want them to know, it's just... I don't want them to have pity on me, I don't want them to sympathise me. I've loved the feeling of loneliness until I've felt that this part of life is for eternity. That's why I've come to love my friends and family more then I love myself. Since I lie about myself, I don't show it so they don't know. Now, I don't know how to show it and I'll remain in this life of mystery alone as always. I wonder if that's why people usually believes in my lies than my truth?