I don't really know how to start this. I have no clue what so ever happened today. It was like I was in a bad dream, a dreadful nightmare and somehow this nightmare keeps on going on and on as if trying to tell me that it had no end to it, that it shouldn't end. It doesn't make any sense.
I think I should be put in a mental hospital or something. Sigh.
I woke up this morning after being slaved to do such harsh household work-I slept after dawn. Yes, like Cinderella but the catch was that I don't have a prince and I don't really believe that I will just so you know. Then suddenly, when I finally get to see my beloved brothers, mother and father curved a smile on their faces I thought, I actually thought that I had done something right in my pitiful life. I tried to be there for everyone as much as I can, I really did. Gosh I sound like a hypocrite. My mother and father mean a lot to me yet I've seem to be no use to them. They tell me that every day anyways. I don't want to brag about this one life of mine, though I know no one would care to listen. I know. I'm still adapting to this lonely for eternity thing.
But then after what I thought was happiness something just came out of the blue. Something I never expected. I don't know what was it about. But a dear friend of mine gave me this message telling me that she had waited until 1 o'clock. I don't really know what she was talking about, but I have a really bad feeling about this. I wonder if that was the reason for Miss A's apologies. She kept on saying she was sorry but never told me why. I won't kill myself. I have a family to keep an eye on, but even if someone does come and kill me for being accused of an unacceptable action then...
I guess knowing me... I'll always think that it was all MY FAULT, so I guess I'll just end up taking that blame and be punished for what I didn't do. Don't worry, justice never befriended me so I just found a way to get used to things. Only God knows what I feel.
And it remains a mystery to the people around me of the truth that lies in these painful memories.
And if my friend happens to read this... I'm sorry for what ever happened but if it makes you feel better I've always told you that you could always hate me any time I'd be fine with that because everyone else does and until now I'm still fine with that.
And don't worry I don't share my secret to anyone. That was why I don't really have a friend that stays by my side every time I thought I had found one.
Sorry for this sad post but I got no where else to go.
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